What not to do

Sure fire ways to dry up my pantaloons, not a list, more like a Moses coming down the mountain with some fucking gospel for your ace.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT, touch me unless I touch you first. Your sweaty fat hand has no business on my back. When I say no touchy touchy with my finger waging in your face that is usually a good indication that we will not be fucking. Rejection hurts, I know I have been there but telling me that I am a lesbian is just bad form. Mike Tyson called he wants his manners back.

If under some freak turn of events I allow you into my home for a sleep over you must leave in the morning. I may act like I am cool with you tagging along to breakfast but trust me I am only being polite. This side of my personality is like Sasquatch, every one knows someone who has "seen" it but no one has glimpsed it themselves. The only people I don't tire of are called friends not one night stands. Have some dignity and catch up with me later. Because god knows you are no Surly and can't hang two nights in a row without passing out standing up and giving yourself a head wound, bleeding all over my Obey jacket and making me spend the bulk of my night playing hide and seek. Many are called but the chosen are few.

We have seen the old shit talk via the world wide interweb and here at MPP we feel that is some boner ass shit. It is bad enough that generation Z or whatever they are called are way quicker with their fingers then their mouths, texting first I Love Yous and myspacing break ups, but come on already. Most of you that are reading this probably aren't guilty of this crap but in the off chance that an impressionable mind on the verge of a drive by facebooking reads this and thinks twice then it is all worth it. Save your hate for the barroom brawl and your love for the drive in. They still have drive ins, right?

Acting like Tucker Max is retarded. Treating women like dumpsters is bound to catch up with you. And trust, we are all sitting around, popcorn buckets in our laps waiting for the big one to hit you. And it will. Oh yes. Building your ego on the bent backs of those who are too weak, stupid, or both is a mistake of biblical proportions. When so many people champion your fall the distance to the bottom measure is leagues, not feet. Take comfort in the fact that though people will be enjoying your eventual failure, at least that audience that you so crave will be there to watch you go down.

The list of what not to do is shorter than the list of what to do. Why? Because we are easy to please. We love cleaver, sexy people who can kick it tough till 7 am. We like girls that are fearless and boys that run with the ball. It is a simple thing, making panties moist. It always safe to err on the side of awesome, however. Just in case.

ps. If you post a bad photo (B+ or less) of MPPers we will retaliate with flaming bags of shit. Immature but effective. Just ask Ted.
As Regis would say, CHALUPA!